How to make friends as an older LGBT Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)
Making friends as an adult can feel tricky. Add in being queer, highly sensitive, and a little older than the typical make new friends at the club crowd, and it can feel downright impossible.
But don’t be disheartened; meaningful, soul-nourishing friendships are still available to you. You might need to approach it a little differently than most mainstream advice suggests.
If you’re an LGBT Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), connection probably means more to you than small talk and surface-level networking. You’re looking for safe, genuine, and nourishing relationships, the kind where you feel seen, heard, and held exactly as you are.
Here’s how to start building those kinds of connections:
1. Get honest about what you need in friendship
As an HSP, you might feel drained by loud environments, performative socialising, or people who don’t respect your emotional depth. That’s okay. The first step is to stop pretending you’re looking for just anyone to hang out with. You’re not. You want a real connection. Shared values. Safe space. Gentle joy.
Make a list of what feels good in a friendship and what doesn’t.
Then use that clarity to guide where you put your time and energy.
2. Look for Queer and/or HSP-Centered spaces
Mainstream spaces often don’t offer the depth or safety you might crave. Instead, look for groups or communities designed with folks like you in mind:
Online communities for queer HSPs or introverts
Book clubs or slow-paced interest groups (art classes, craft circles, gentle yoga, writing groups)
LGBTQ+ support circles, especially those focused on emotional well-being or mental health
Workshops or classes geared toward healing, sensitivity, or creativity
Start small. Attend something that piques your interest. You don’t need to be “on” or dazzling. Just be there.
3. Reconnect with what brings you joy
Sometimes the easiest way to make friends is to follow what lights you up. Join a class, workshop, or group based on something you love, whether it’s poetry, painting, forest walks, or tarot.
When you’re in a space where you feel grounded and authentically yourself, connection tends to flow more naturally.
4. Lead with curiosity, not perfection
You don’t need to show up as the most confident or socially together version of yourself. It’s okay to be tender. It’s okay to be quiet. Try starting conversations with gentle curiosity:
“What brings you to this group?”
“I’m new here and feeling a bit shy, mind if I sit with you?”
“I’m trying to make more queer, sensitive connections these days, how about you?”
You’d be surprised how many people are relieved when you open that door first.
5. Be patient (and kind to yourself)
If you’ve been lonely or isolated for a while, it can feel vulnerable to start reaching out. You might fear rejection, or feel like you’re too much or too late. You’re not.
Friendship is still possible at any age, in any season.
Give yourself permission to move at your own pace. One genuine connection is more than enough to begin.
6. Create the space you wish existed
Can’t find the gentle queer group you’re looking for? Start your own. You don’t need to launch a big community, even a monthly tea circle, book exchange, or sensitive queer folks meet-up at a quiet cafe could become the foundation of something beautiful.
Others are longing for this too. You might be the one they’ve been waiting for.
Being a highly sensitive queer person isn’t a barrier to connection, it’s a doorway into deeper, more meaningful relationships. You have the gift of depth, intuition, empathy, and authenticity. The friendships you build may take longer to form, but they’ll be the ones that last.
So be brave. Be tender. Be you.
The right people, your people, are out there, hoping someone like you shows up.
🌈 If you’re interested in joining a community for Highly Sensitive Queer people like you, check out the Community page and join the waitlist to get updates of what’s coming!
