ADHD and High Sensitivity in Queer Adults: Managing Overwhelm
This post is written by Stella Billerey (she/they), a Queer ADHD Coach & Trauma-Informed Yoga Teacher.
When ADHD meets High Sensitivity
If you’re a queer adult who identifies as both ADHD and a highly sensitive person (HSP), you might feel like you’re always living with the volume turned up, emotionally, socially, and physically. Maybe you’ve been called “too much,” or felt like you’re navigating a world that wasn’t designed for your unique wiring. As a queer ADHD coach and trauma-informed yoga teacher, I see these overlaps every day in my work. I want you to know: you’re not alone, and you don’t have to “toughen up” to thrive or mask who you re to be accepted.
Understanding the Overlap: What it means to be Queer, ADHD, and Highly Sensitive
Let’s break it down. ADHD is a neurodevelopmental difference that affects attention, focus, and impulse control. Highly sensitive people (HSPs) process sensory information more deeply, feel emotions intensely, and often pick up on subtleties others miss. For queer folks, these traits can be amplified by experiences of minority stress, masking, or not feeling fully seen or safe in mainstream spaces.
Common experiences for queer ADHD HSPs:
Struggling to filter out background noise or sensory input
Feeling emotions very intensely (sometimes all at once)
Needing more downtime and recovery than peers
Noticing subtle shifts in mood, energy, or group dynamics
Feeling pressure to “mask” or hide parts of yourself to fit in
If any of this sounds familiar, you’re in good company. There’s nothing “wrong” with you; these are just natural responses to a world that unfortunately, isn’t always affirming or accessible.
Why overwhelm happens: The double whammy
Living at the intersection of ADHD and high sensitivity means your nervous system is often working overtime. ADHD brains process information rapidly and can become easily distracted or overstimulated. HSPs absorb emotional and sensory energy deeply, sometimes to the point of exhaustion. Add in the unique challenges faced by LGBTQIA+ folks, like navigating heteronormative or non-affirming environments, and it’s no wonder overwhelm is a frequent visitor.
You might notice:
Sensory overload in busy or loud spaces
Emotional “flooding” after social interactions
Trouble winding down after a long day
Difficulty setting boundaries around your energy and time
Emotional regulation: Real-life strategies that work
Finding emotional balance isn’t about “fixing” yourself. It’s about building a toolkit that respects your sensitive, neurodivergent brain and honours your lived experience as a queer person. Here are some strategies I use with queer ADHD clients:
1. Name your needs
It’s okay to ask for what you need. Maybe that’s a quieter space, extra breaks, or more time to process. Naming your needs whether that’s out loud, in writing, or with a trusted friend, can be a powerful step toward self-advocacy.
2. Body-based tools
Gentle movement (like yoga, stretching, or walking), deep breathing, or grounding exercises can help reset your nervous system. Try placing your feet flat on the floor, noticing the sensation, and taking a few slow breaths. These small practices signal safety to your body and help regulate big emotions.
3. Sensory boundaries
Curate your environment as much as possible. Noise-cancelling headphones, soft lighting, soothing textures, or weighted blankets can make a world of difference. It’s not “being picky”, it’s honouring what your body needs to feel safe and comfortable.
4. Community support
Connection is vital, especially for queer HSPs and ADHDers. Seek out spaces, online or in person, where you can show up as your full self. Support groups, queer-affirming therapists, or ADHD coaching can be lifelines. Sensitive and Queer’s community is a great example of a space designed for deep feelers and intuitive thinkers.
5. Self-compassion over self-criticism
You’re not “too much.” You’re not broken. The world just isn’t always set up for people who feel and notice as much as you do. Practice self-talk that is kind, not critical. Remind yourself: “I’m allowed to take up space, set boundaries, and move at my own pace.”
The power of routine and ritual
For many ADHDers and HSPs, routines can feel both comforting and restrictive. The key is to create rituals that work for you, not against you. This might look like:
A morning check-in with yourself or a loved one
A sensory-friendly workspace setup
Regular movement breaks (even 2 minutes counts!)
Evening wind-down rituals (gentle music, herbal tea, or journaling)
Experiment until you find what feels both grounding and flexible.
When overwhelm hits: What to do in the moment
Everyone gets overwhelmed sometimes. When it happens, try to:
Pause and breathe (even just one slow breath)
Name what you’re feeling without judgment
Step away from overstimulating environments if possible
Reach out to someone supportive: a friend, partner, or online group
Remember, you don’t have to handle everything alone. Sometimes, just naming that you’re overwhelmed is the first step toward relief.
One step
Living as a queer, highly sensitive ADHDer can be challenging, but it’s also a source of incredible strength and insight. You deserve spaces where you can show up exactly as you are: overwhelmed, joyful, questioning, exhausted, brilliant. Healing happens in connection, not isolation.
If you’re ready to explore support, reach out. One small step toward connection can make a world of difference.
For LGBTQ+ affirming ADHD coaching or trauma-informed support, you can learn more about my work at Stella Billerey Therapies. And for more on building a nervous-system-friendly life and work, check out the Sensitive and Queer coaching and community spaces.
External resources you might find helpful:
About the Author:
Stella Billerey (she/they) is a queer ADHD coach, trauma-informed yoga teacher, and Senior Mental Health Occupational Therapist based in London. Stella blends lived experience, occupational therapy, and intersectional approaches to support LGBTQ+ and neurodivergent adults. Learn more at stellabillereytherapies.com.
